Tale of Woe

My Tale of Woe is that I've had a bout of carpal tunnel syndrome. It crept up on me rather slowly. I've had problems hitting the correct keys when I've been touch typing. It's my left hand that is the problem. It has rather curtailed my blogging posting entries and replies to comments. I've also had to cut back on leaving so many comments around on other blogs. But do be assured that while I am still visiting all my favourite bloggers - I'm just being a little more silent than usual. I am not at all sure what brought this pain on - it isn't as if I've been pruning shrubs recently. But I think I have found the trigger point in a muscle of my forearm which needs regular self massage to try and free up my wrist and thumb. I am relatively free of pain today - so I hope I'm on the road to a cure.

A Personal Experience

I started blogging for many reasons. Initially it was a way of finding out how the technical side of blogging worked. I experimented with Yahoo 360 but quickly migrated to Blogger. In the early days I was alarmed at the thought of being identified or 'found out'. So I invented a Pen Name for myself. I had the idea of writing outrageously about the the good people who live in East Devon, my husband, the health services, social services and many other things that I found increasingly irritating in daily life. In short I wanted to Blog as a Grumpy Old Woman.

But once my anonymous blog was set up, the bland postings started and I quickly found that I couldn't quite stick the knife in where I wanted or as I imagined. What I did find, however, was that while I was at a particularly low ebb [with the Winter Blues and general frustration caused by our sudden enforced retirement] I had inadvertently discovered that I could post about some of my feelings. I could let off some steam. Blow my top. Whinge. Luckily, my husband was quite content for me to sound off about how his illness has affected me. After all with a pen name and vague address there is no way of identifying us. Close friends and family recognise my blog when, and if, they find it. But there's no problem with that as we have been quite open with everyone who matters to us.

Some people write because they are born writers. They take the opportunity to write fiction and receive feedback from readers. Others just want to have fun and socialise. Others want to voice political opinions. Some for a way to spread around their sense of humour. And some of us as a means of distraction. To divert our minds from our worries .

Now from my blogroll I usually call in on everyone on a regular basis. Some people once a fortnight, some once a week and others on a daily basis. The bloggers who make me laugh are the ones I call in on daily. My favourites are linked to my home page by the RSS feed so i can quickly see if they've posted very recently - well that's how it's supposed to work but it seems a little unreliable. I've sometimes found a new post is up there when I call in on their blog yet my homepage says 'last posted 3 days ago'.

Besides the writers who make me laugh are one or two who start to feel like 'friends' - rather like old fashioned pen pals. Now one of these cyber friends is Teeni of the Vauguetarian Tearooms. Her place is a general have a cup of coffee and hang out for a while to see what'll happen next kind of place. It's all lighthearted and fun. Imagine my surprise when I found a rather sombre posting from her a few days ago. I admit I read it very quickly and then quietly left. I was low spirited at the time and didn't feel able to comment. But once I was in a better mood I called back to see her. I wanted to explain that I was somewhat aware of how her feelings must be when she was diagnosed and had to undergo treatment for cancer.

I too had cancer diagnosed at a young age. I was lucky in that it was found early and surgery was the only treatment I needed. I was thirty when on a visit to the optician to be assessed for contact lens he quickly identified that I had a malignant tumour in my left eye. He didn't tell me this - he just referred me to see my doctor who had very quickly made an appointment for me to see the local ophthalmic surgeon. My feet barely touched the ground. From seeing the optician I had seen the local specialist, been referred to Moorfields' Eye Hospital for a second opinion and was back in Gloucester Royal Hospital to have my left eye removed - all within less than 3 weeks.

I was 30 years of age and it was a bit of a shock to find that I had malignant melanoma. Luckily the surrounding tissue of the eye was healthy. It had been found and removed in a timely manner. The adjustment to monocular vision took a while. But adjust I did. Although I still find it difficult to walk over rough ground; with no depth of vision it does pose a challenge.

Now having been lucky enough to survive that episode I am rather paranoid about how much time I spend in the sun. I slap on sun protection so thick I look like a greased up channel swimmer. I'm never out in the sun between 11 - 3. But as I don't want rickets or osteoporosis either I do allow 30 minutes a day of sun to get to my skin as often as I can during spring and autumn.

It's for this reason that I believe I need a light box. Ever since I lost my eye 28 years ago today I've experienced a feeling of gloom which descends from October onwards. Initially I used to blame the 'anniversary' for reminding me of my mortality and lack of binocular vision. It was my least short sighted eye - almost normal vision' -too which was the real **** law of life. When I had to rely on my right eye only I was so shortsighted I had to become a permanent specs wearer. I was also told it would help to disguise my artifical eye. So I never did get fitted for that contact lens.

Now if we do indeed rely on needing bright light to keep us cheerful then with my desire to keep a low profile during hot, sunny summers and with only one eye to take in the light it could be why I experience the winter blues. I also read that Gordon Brown may be a depressive s**t too. Maybe that's because he also is blind in one eye. Perhaps I should write and suggest he buys himself a lightbox to go along with his red boxes.

Now some of you'll know why one of my most often used emoticon is a ;-) - it doesn't always represent a wink!

Finally, I would like to suggest that if you haven't had your eyesight checked out for more than a couple of years then do so. You never know what signal of ill health may be lurking there. A quick visit to the optician may save your life.

Sorry - technical hitch - I was trying to write an updated note. However, Blogger suddenly changed the date of the post from original - I wrote this on 29/10 - there is no way it will let me put it back in its rightful place. I'm hoping its back there now - ?

Planning for Retirement

I thought we would enjoy retirement. My husband used to run 'Preparing and Planning for Retirement' training courses. He had all the answers and all the different viewpoints. He trained many people but he failed to train me. Unfortunately retirement planning wasn't even on our horizon. We thought we had at least a further 10 years of working life. But then retirement found us and found us unprepared.

To have a successful and happy retirement you need several things:

1. Money: Once that pot of money, pension, annuity, savings or whatever is all you have i.e. fixed income then finances take on a whole different meaning. Suddenly you are aware that every penny that goes out of the house has gone for good. That unless you go out to earn some more 'this is it'. Men in particular seem to be much exercised by this when they retire.
2. Interests: If you want to enjoy retirement to the full there are many clubs, social events , hobbies and activities that you can join in. Once you are no longer committed to a working life you can fill your daily routine with swimming, walking, cruising, bird watching, investment clubs, travelling, wining and dining, study, bowls, bridge, blogging, holidays. The list is endless. What may not be endless is the pot of gold - the money to finance all these possible interests and new hobbies. But once you are retired then many of them don't take up much cash and a great deal of enjoyment can be had for very little outlay. The U3A is one example. The University of the 3rd Age, unlike the Open University, runs on a very small budget. It is very popular. This group is for older people where some members with a perceived level of expertise then educate others to the same level of incompetence. A bit like 'Sit by Nellie' training at work. A bit like a real world interactive social version of an inaccurate Wikipeadia.
3. Health: You need good health to enjoy all of the above interests. You need good health to get out and about and away from your spouse for a few hours. This is advisable. For the both of you. For your mental health. This is the first time in ** years you have ever spent more than a couple of weeks together 24 hours a day. And do you remember just how stressful holidays can be when you spend so much time together? Well retirement is just like that for 12 months of the year. I'm not talking about holidays away from home - you both have distractions then - no I'm talking about holidays at home; Christmas, Easter etc.
4. Tolerance: You need a bucket load of this. Suddenly the housekeeper (usually the wife) has lost 'her space'. The spouse is no longer out of the house 9-5 but hanging around and getting under her feet as she tries to do all the 101 household chores. Querying whether this is the best or most efficient way of doing the task.Querying the amount of water being used and how often the washing machine is put on. Offers of help e.g. dusting/hoovering if taken up are considered only to be necessary once every 3 months. "But I did that last week - it can't need doing again, surely". Supermarkets during the week are full of retired men assisting their wives with the weekly shop. Every time you go by a couple you can hear the same type of conversation going on. She's usually looking harrassed and he's usually saying somethin along the lines of: "do we really need foil again, can't you wash and re-use the roll you bought last month?" - " it's HOW MUCH?!" - "I think you use too much detergent - lets try a cheaper brand" - "lets buy whisky in bulk - think of the saving we'd make" - "lets have steak and kidney pie - you've not made one of those for ages" - "let's buy the small pack - I'm sure we could use less toilet paper". Men like 'manly' jobs to do e.g. car maintenance, gardening, decorating. Tasks that are done once in a while not several times a week.

When alone at home I used to enjoy whizzing through the house tidying, cleaning, polishing everything and then sitting with a mug of coffee to admire my efforts. Now I clean one room and then move on to another. But on returning to the first it's no longer a spotless oasis. I didn't get one minute to admire and revel in its sparkly cleanliness. How I long for the days as they used to be: to to rush through tidy the kitchen, make the beds put the laundry away and then come home 7 hours later and find it all as I'd left it. TIDY. When two of you are home all the time each and every day there are calls on the household budget that didn't occur while you were out at work. Electricity, water, gas consumption goes up. As does coffee, tea, food stuffs and toilet rolls. Towels, tea towels and light bulbs wear out faster than they ever did while you were out at work. Not to mention the various bits n bobs connected with plumbing. Whereas I used to call in a plumber to change a ball cock in the toilet cistern once every 4 or 5 years now it seems to be every other year. Therefore these budget items need to be re-addressed and re-assessed. On the other side of the coin: you can wear your clothes till they fall apart, specs, shoes, handbags and other accessories can be several years out of style. You also have time to shop at charity shops and try and dress on the cheap.

Finally a little anecdote as I was trying to clean in readiness for a tea party.

He: "I'll help you to clean the bathroom and cloakroom"

Me: "There's not room for us to both do it at the same time"

He: "No problem - I'll clean the basin in one room while you do the toilet and the floor in the other and then we can change rooms and I'll clean the second basin"

Me: "Thanks - a lot"

SAD

I'm SAD. I'm affected by Seasonal Affected Disorder. The Winter Blues. I've usually not been affected this much until December. Usually the symptoms start in October and then increase until peak at end of the year. If I manage to live long enough to see February out then in March I start to think "I'll live another year". But this year I just didn't feel the lift that sunnier summer weather usually brings along.

I ordered a small compact lightbox on Monday. It arrived yesterday and as I write it is sitting in front of me. I'm aiming for an hour a day and will see if there is any improvement over the next couple of weeks. The company that sent the light box also enclosed a leaflet on SAD - along with their other light products! I was interested to see that along with the usual depression, over sleeping, feeling tired, craving sugar, sweet things and carbohydrates that some of the other symptoms could be 'flu like symptoms' and 'pains in muscles'. YES - I have both of these too. In fact have had these problems for most of this year. It may be that if light therapy does work then I could end up feeling better than I have for many a year. I'm pleased to have it this morning as it is still very dark and grey even though it is now 8.40 am.

There is another health reason that affects me which may have some bearing on my need for light therapy. But that I will share with you all on another day towards the end of the month.

Long Tanned Limbs

As our summer has been such a wash out there is not an iota of me that has that sun kissed healthy tan look. I don't sunbathe but do try for 20-30 minutes a day to ensure I'm getting my quota of sun to make the vital vitamin D. I don't want rickets at my age.
I usually have a kind of slight brown [freckly] pink colour rather than an all over golden glow. But to have to bare my milk bottle white legs was, I thought, far too embarrassing to contemplate. So I bought one of those moisturisers that give the skin a faintly golden tan. I have very dry skin so need to moisturise daily. Therefore the application would fit conveniently into my almost non-existent beauty regime. I chose the fair to medium colour. I knew I wouldn't fool anyone if I suddenly turned conker brown overnight. I was hoping for a long tanned limb look. What I have ended up with are vertical stripes. I'm hoping the illusion will make my legs look slimmer.
I may try again next week with a different product. as this one sounds fool proof.

Those Lazy Hazy Crazy Days of Summer

Summer Days are still with us. So is the lazy hazy crazy days of summer ..... So is Hay Fever. I've spent the last 5 days zonked out from taking 'non-drowsy' antihistamine and de-congestant pills. My eyelids are so sore and swollen I look as if I've been in the ring with Henry Cooper. Hay Fever is not helped by weeding. Neither does it help that the decorators have painted all the outside woodwork. The smell of paint fumes are overwhelming in the heat. I am also afflicted with paint poisoning. When I'm not in a drug induced haze - I'm to be found on the throne in the smallest room.

I've been awarded 2 awards. But apart from gallantly dragging myself from my drug induced stupor to collect them - I have yet to thank my sponsors and to pass on my nominations.