Thursday, 6 September 2007

Mothers - How We Miss Them

When I wrote recently about Fear and Grief and Fearing the Worst - it set my mind to wondering about some of our friends. Everyone I know has experienced loss and sadness in their life. (Well, you'll see by the very next sentence that's a bit of a contradiction). I have 2 friends who have suffered nothing. Neither one of them has had to cope with loss, fear, major illness, grief. Even though they are well over 60 years old they still have parents. Their children have grown up happy, confident, secure and found partners; married and are now raising the next generation. Both families have been incredibly blessed.

Good Friends for Good Times. Not people I choose to be around when I feel cocooned and trapped in a glass bubble of grief. They neither of them understand what it is like. I sometimes wonder how hard an experience it will be when they do, eventually have it thrust upon them.

It's the natural order of life to lose parents first. I lost my mother when I was 16. I still miss her. I'm still taken by surprise when I talk to women older than I and discover they still have their mother. I remember an old lady of 80 telling me she was "now an orphan" when her mother had just died. She was not quite as I imagine an orphan - but I know how she felt.


teeni said...

It doesn't matter how old you are, it hurts to lose someone who was with you from the beginning of your life. I haven't lost my parents yet, fortunately, but I have lost others who I was extremely close to, like grandparents and aunts. I imagine it is like torture to see someone you love with alzheimer's because they get taken away from you mentally while they are still around physically. So I always feel for families of people with alzheimer's. Your friends truly are blessed. Hopefully they are able to keep themselves together when they DO lose someone. Fortunately for them, they have a friend like YOU. Don't be fooled by what looks like green grass on the other side of the fence - everyone has their problems. And fortunately for YOU, you have a friend like ME (you know, the crazy but happy kind), and I'm throwing another party so come on by!!!

Henry North London said...

My parents are in their 70's and I know its going to take me years to get over it when they go

Heck my grandmother was around till I was 29

I didnt grieve for her as I had said my goodbyes the previous year and knew I wouldnt see her again.

Ps have put a link to your main blog on my site in permanence

merry weather said...

I think of death as the end of the race. Some people we love seem to have a good run and others are just cheated. I had a good friend who died this year and I think that has motivated me to LIVE my life from now on. Not to take anything for granted. She had a crap hand but she made the most of everything and worked really hard at it. She was always smiling, right up till the end. Three kids, one with profound autism and a brilliant husband, an amazing guy. Her death was a shock for our community, and a hugely important lesson for me. I think I will always see her here somewhere, in the corner of my eye. She was one of the best.


lady thinker said...

teeni, henry and Merryw (lil' sis), thanks for all your thoughts and sharing. Sorry about your recent loss merryw. Your comment about 'death as the end of the race' reminds me of the quote that 'life is full of sh*t and at the end you die"!
Hugs xxx

merry weather said...

I do like you Lady Thinker. I thank my lucky stars we bumped into each other here. You're fun!


lady thinker said...

Thanks Merryw - kind of you to say so.
Also thanks henry re comment about link - I've only just noticed it - kind of you.