Healthy Weigh of Life

I have been trying to obey the Govt's rules - sorry guidelines. And because of their rules I think I have discovered what is causing obesity. Well, I think I know what has made me fat. I've been trying to follow a healthy diet. I read all the latest nutritional advice and include bits of this and that in my diet. The Govt tell me to eat 5 portions of fruit and vegetables a day. I should also include complex carbohydrate in my diet and some form of protein along with vitamin D to prevent osteoporosis.
First of all I start my day with 2 large glasses of water followed by a glass of Welch's Purple Grape Juice . Which is well known for the highest health giving antidoxidants after red wine. Then its on to grapefruit. After a shower I indulge in a large pot of tea - allowing the tea to brew for a good 5 minutes and drinking 2 huge cups with a little - very little skimmed milk. Then I have a banana for the potassium. A mid morning snack of some cherries. Later followed by lunch of 2 slices of wholemeal bread with a salad filling + 2 tomatoes. So that's my 5 + portions of fruit under my belt. But as it's strawberry season I can't resist an afternoon snack of a bowl of the delicious berries - with Devon cream!
So for dinner it's a question of getting in my 5 portions of vegetables - as many different colours as possible - not counting potatoes which also are full of potassium. Potatoes are of course carbohydrate. I have now fulfilled the Govt's ruling 5 portions of fruit and vegetables each day. But I also should eat some walnuts which are full of healthy oil to help the heart, a small piece of plain dark, good quality chocolate. Not forgetting a glass of red wine which also besides being considered good for the heart is believed to help prevent Alzheimer's [old timer's] disease. It's the alcohol. Purple Grape juice will not do as it has no alcohol content. Once I've fulfilled all my obligations as a good citizen I can then take a mug of Milo to bed - just to enjoy it. And hope it gives me a good nights sleep - and helps to 'prevent night starvation'.