Saturday, 21 July 2007

New Official European Language

This was a letter sent to theSidmouth local newspaper a week ago. I thought it amusing, clever and deserves a wider audience.

"The European Union Commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Govt conceded that English spelling has some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year plan for what will be known as Euro English (EE for short).

In the first year - 's' will be used instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly Sivil Servants will reseive this news with joy. Also the hard 'c' will be replaced with 'k'. Not only will this klear up konfusion but keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome 'ph' will be replased with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the third year - publik akseptance of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go. By the fourth year, people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'the' by 'z' and the 'w' by 'v'.

During the fifz year, ze unnecessary 'o' kan be dropd from vords containing 'ou' and similar changes vud of kors be aplied to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Ze vil be no mor trubls or difkultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understan ech ozer.

Ze dream vil finali kum tru."

3 comments:

Around My Kitchen Table said...

Zat is veri funy! Inglish ruls ze vorld!

NeoRichard said...

Hi!
I know that it's maybe stupid, but yesterday I thought that should practice my english (i speak spanish, am chilean) and I thought that a good way would be chatting with somebody. So, I found your and did me laugh (in spanish we think likeness, for example, "ch" and "x" have the same sound in our language).
I'm Richard, have 21 years (and I'm piscis too).
Well, I hope your answer. Good luck! Bye!

P.S: if you're not interested, delete this post ;).
P.S.2: am sorry if i wrote wrong =P

The thinker said...

Around My kitchen table - thanks

Hello neorichard - glad to see you. I am glad too that you left a comment. I admire the fact you are able to read my blog in English. I only have a vague smattering of schoolgirl french learnt over 40 years ago. I am glad you found it funny.
PS I wouldn't dream of deleting your post. thank you.