Fear and Grief

From where does the fear of loss come? What comes first? The fear or the feeling of loss which then sets up the fear? When do we first experience the concept of grief and loss? I can remember as a quite young child (about 6yrs) contemplating the grief I would leave behind if I died. I wept for my poor sad parents.as I imagined them coping without me. I obviously started 'thinking' at an early age. In the event it was my mother's death when I was just turned 16 yrs old that was my first experience of loss and bereavement. But maybe when I was about 3 yrs old I had picked up the awareness of grief from my mother after the death of my maternal gt grandmother.

Over these last 5 yearsI have had several losses. One after another. Each loss reminds me of previous losses. Until my whole body feels as if it is one huge receptacle of sadness. The last two were our much loved cats. The first Cagney, almost 2 years ago, followed by his 'wife' Lacey just a year ago. We had them both as 8 week old kittens from separate litters. They were almost 20 years old when they died. Our dog also; we still grieve, many years later. Our pets were our 'children'. Now I am an empty nester.

What set me thinking down this path is the latest posting from the Wife in the North. Wifey isn't the only "fright filled soul". My fears now - are over suffering any more losses of my nearest and dearest. My widowed sister who, if I've not heard from her for 12 hours, I become convinced is lying dead at the foot of the stairs. Nephews and nieces living in the City (prone to possible terroists attacks) or travelling on a gap year (terroism, natural acts of God and plane crashes) or partaking in adrenaline sports activity. All fill me with dread and anxiety.